So, Nick’s currently unemployed (I want to employ Nick!) and recently took an interview with an electrical retailer. During the interview, Nick was asked what electrical appliances he uses.
- Toaster? Yes
- Oven? Yes
- DVD player? Yes
- Laptop? Yes
- Television? Yes
- Vacuum Cleaner? Well, I’ve got one.
If Nick actually gets this job, expect more hilarious ‘woofers’ to come.
In other news, Lucia Software have gone tits up. We’ve created this fitting tribute, in memory of Exeter’s sixth best place to buy second hand video games.
Myself and Matt arrive for a beer and sit at an outside table near the river edge…
There is a lone drake floating on the water.
A mallard, with a stern look on hs face aproaches. He looks menacing. He means business. Clearly something has gone down between the mallard and the drake. One would assume they had a falling out the night before.
The mallard is not playing games. No messing. He swims with autority and directly toward the drake…
The drake see’s him but at this point has no inclination of the caranage that is about to erupt…
BAM!!! Direct hit! The mallard attacks with full force striking with his beak and forcing the drake in to a flying leap and an unsettling flutter. But the drake is not backing down. He won’t be bullied on his own territory. Drake stands his ground.
Mallard quickly attacks for a second time, and this time, drake realises the potential danger and begins an escape route. But mallard is not playing ball. He follows with malicious intent and the chase begins. Unbelievably, a second mallard swoops in to join the chase. This was no random attack. This was a set up!!!
As the two mallards push drake further away from the shore, the unthinkable happens and a third mallard applies the presure even more. He swoops in from the west and splashes right in to the drakes path completely blocking anyway out for drake.
BAM BAM BAM!! The drake is seriously battered by all three mallards, and is again forced in to an upwards flutter, a desperate attempt to temperilly escape the mugging. Drake, this time, manages to land to the south of all three mallards and begins his swift journey towards the rocks on the river edge, desperate for a hiding place. But all three mallards outswim drake and it looks as if the competition is over.
Then, out of nowhere, backup arrives for the drake! Will this even the score? Will all out war erupt??? Time will tell.
As the second drake swoops in, Mallard number 2 reacts. With lightning speed and the agility of an athelete, mallard 2 pounces as drake 2 lands, battering drake 2 on entrance and momenterally dunking him under water! As drake 2 emerges, mallard 2 again batters him rendering him incoherant and unaware of his surroundings. Drake 1 makes a cowardly exit and trys swimming down river toward exe bridge roundabout. But forget Exe bridge – if drake 1 doesn’t speed up soon, he’ll be ex-drake!
Meanwhile, drake 2 is having no luck. He realises he’s way out of his depth now! (pardon the pun). Mallard 2 gives one last glare at drake 2 before lunging forward forcing drake 2 in to a full flight get away. Mallard 2 gives chase and litterally terrifies drake 2 out of the river, over the trees, over the road and in to unknown territory! They are gone!
Leaving Drake 1 alone desperatly trying to exscape from the clutches of mallards 1 and 3. But, as mentioned earlier, this was clearly calculated to perfection by the mallards on this terrifiying attack toward the drake pary.
A 4th – Yes 4TH!! – mallard glided in at this point and forced drake 1 towards the rocks and momenterilly on to the pub patio, before drake spotted an entire family of swans and swanlings and, realising this was only leading to more danger, immediatly bounded back in to the river and off towards the rocks.
Having somehow bypassed mallards 1,3 and 4, drake once again set off toward exe bridge. All three Mallards gave chase.
Then, from far, far east… in glided mallard number 2, having wiped out drake 2, and with perectly exectuted navigation, almost as if homing, he succesfully battered drake 1 knocking him 10 foot in to the air!
The mallards had clearly planned this thoughrolly. For at this point, on all horizons appered swans, almost like security, guarding any exits and making sure the drake had nowhere to run!
At this point, drake was almost certainly a gonner, had it not been for the big-headedness of malards 3 and 4! As if jealous of each other, wanting all the glory the 2 mallards temporerilly ignored drake and squared up!
Suddenly, mallard 4 jilted forwards clamping his beak down hard on mallard 3 giving him no way out! Mallard 1 at this point realised that all sense had disappeared and that mayhem had struck! As mallard 1 backed away, leaving drake to catch his breath, mallard 3 broke loose and swam at full force down stream and away from any other mayhem.. The mallard crew was breaking up! Mallard 4 gave chase, until out of sight, leaving only mallard 1 and drake 1 left.
Mallard 1 at this point realised that given all that had emerged on this fatefull saturday, drake was still standing (floating) and respected him for that. The final 2 ducks, seemingly made friends, before gliding out of sight in the direction that mallards 3 and 4 had gone. Was this the end? Was this another ellaborate set up? Only one things for certain.. all ducks will never forget this momentus occasion that truely was… MALLARD MANIA!!
